My First Patient

“My first patient”

By: Huwaida Fazel

He was on a steel bed, steel but not a bed

It was like a blind date, blind but not a date

I held a scalpel in one hand, confidence in another 

Held my breath 

Took a step 

How do you refer to a person in the past tense?

He was obese 

He had a pacemaker implanted 

My first patient was a dead man

And my journey here started from the end

He taught me lessons I had to embrace

Learn from his mistakes 

Let go of fears, fears I had to face 

To be entrusted with a body 

A body that belonged to the human race

To learn that learning is a never-ending chase

And to cut through his body 

Was the first step in this case

So I could learn through his body

All the others I could potentially save

But to honor that learning institution,

Commonly known as cadaver 

Was something not mentioned in my textbooks

Ever wondered why the handle of a scalpel 

Is heavier than its blade?

Because to hold on is harder than to open up

And the more he opened up to me

The more there was for me to take

To hold the heart and learn all the ways it could break

To carry the brain, and all the minds it could wake 

To tug its nerves and feel the shivers

To press the veins, now empty rivers

Forget the jargon, forget stethoscope

Think body, mind and soul, and how to cope

Think how science could outweigh human flaws 

How accept death, headfirst into its claws 

But how do you write a letter to a dead man?

To another place, another time?

An intangible being, limited halftime 

How do I tell him, that sir

What you taught me is prime 

That death is human, death is humane

And how do I tell you that your dreams are not made of stars

And his of dust

And so to look at death with eyes that trust 

Isn’t only fair, it is a must

Sir, a human connection, is what you deserved

We come as one, we toast to fun

And before we know it, you’re eighty-one

And before we know it, our time has run 

And before we know it, our deed is done

And before we know it, did I just cut through his flesh?

And that was a moment of no return

My very first patient was a dead man 

He taught me lessons when he was already gone 

To learn how to live and let live in peace

Before I could ever get to say, rest in peace 

Huwaida is an Afghan final year medical student in the UAE. Huwaida appreciates all forms of art, especially the art of the written word and the impact it had on readers. Huwaida can be reached at the website Faithandchill.wordpress.com. 

Have an exciting medical story to tell or some advice to give? A unique background or path into medicine? Want to share your own post or experience with our followers?

#LifeofaMedStudent welcomes posts from our readers! Have your VOICE heard to all those in medical training! Contribute to #LifeofaMedStudent!

Featured Sponsor:

Merck Manual:

The Merck Manual is a free, online medical reference. As the best first place to refresh your knowledge on the standard of care, the Merck Manual is also offered in a consumer version to help improve communication and health outcomes with your patients. 

Though the Merck Manuals has been in publication since 1899, they’ve changed and improved the ways health care professionals are able to access their free medical information. This year, they’ve updated and improved several features of their free website.

Check out the other great companies that help sponsor our page here: #LifeofaMedStudent Recommended Sponsors